I’ve learned a lot about human behaviour through years of awkwardness.

People don’t need to know very much about you to make a snap judgement about the kind of person you are.

You can take advantage of this by making a few subtle shifts in your everyday behaviour.

These will improve the perception people have of you:

SHARPEN UP YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE;

We can’t change how we came out of the womb, but we can maximise our appearance.

There’s a reason you feel better after a haircut or a manicure.

What does it say about you? Looking at a body we like in the mirror makes a difference.

We might claim that caring about how we look is shallow, but deep down you know it’s key, and will alter the perception others have of you greatly.

That’s nature. It’s reality.

Your resistance to this will keep you miserable.

EMOTIONAL CONTROL

If you are quick to react with anger, you lose respect.

Avoiding this is to nurture what I call ‘the Gap.’

Reactive people have tiny gaps, meaning they don’t create any space between a triggering stimulus and their emotional response.

Non-reactive people command tremendous respect because they have nurtured gaps wide enough to allow any tension in themselves to dissipate.

STOP ALWAYS BEING AVAILABLE

You don’t always need to respond to that text. You don’t always need to smile, laugh or get back to people.

You shouldn’t be always available, and your real-life can reflect this. It can’t be an act.

It is a sense of scarcity that creates the perception of high value. Create a life that makes you and your time scarce.

What impression does ALWAYS being available transmit?

That’s right.

You have little self-respect, you aren’t focused on your own stuff, you aren’t in high demand, and you probably don’t have a mission .

SPEAK WHEN YOU ARE MISTREATED

Don’t just take it when someone is mistreating you, or taking advantage of you. Be professional and diplomatic, but don’t be silent. Speaking up for yourself is not always easy to do, which is why it is the mark of a person deserving respect.

STOP TALKING

Sometimes you need to stop talking and listen. People who talk endlessly without pause are not usually respected (with very few exceptions). Listen to others. Stop talking about yourself all the time. Genuinely listen to people—really listen and try to understand them. Use silence to your advantage. Not every pause should be filled up with noise. Taking a moment to consider a thing before you open your mouth is almost always going to command respect.

LEARN TO SAY NO’

Don’t feel guilty about saying no once in a while. Don’t worry about missed opportunities either. You don’t need to agree to everything that someone asks from you, especially if it is a superior or a client. Sometimes, you are more respected by saying no, rather than agreeing to do a thing. When you say no, you show you’re not afraid of admitting that you value your time, and that you don’t have time for everything.

BE INSPIRING

You can be inspiring by talking to others about your passions and goals without holding back. You can be inspiring by endlessly encouraging others to follow their dreams, goals, and visions, and showing that you have faith in them.

Always do your homework

This means do the due diligence. When you’re interviewing someone, do the background research and find out everything you need to know to make an effective interview. When you’re going to a job interview, make sure you’ve done your homework about the company and know what their needs are. When you’re talking to friends,listen and retain information from the conversations and remember things that they care about for next time.

HAVE A MORAL CODE

Many overlook this important little piece of advice. What do you believe in? What’s important to you? What makes you mad and want to change the world? These kinds of questions will get you to the core of your own personal moral code. Figure it out and share it with the world in small amounts. All the great leaders of the world had a clear moral code.

PRACTICE HUMILITY

You’re not always going to be right, and you’re not the best at everything. Every person you meet can teach you something. Confidence doesn’t come from a place where you’re the best. True confidence comes from understanding humility, and that every person has something unique to offer to the world, including you.

STOP BEING TOO NICE

Distinguish kindness from always having to do things for people. Trying to make everyone happy won’t get you very far. Being a pushover is highly undesirable if your goal is to be respected. If you’re too nice to everyone all the time, some people might even think you’re not genuine.

DON’T OVER APOLOGIZE

People who are constantly saying, “I’m sorry,” without giving it a second thought are usually not the ones that are well respected. There is a time and place for apologies. Sometimes you make mistakes that affect family and friends. You can apologize to them. Meanwhile, stop using the word “sorry” a hundred times an hour for every little thing that goes wrong, especially in the workplace.

In summary,we should try to first of all respect ourselves and then reciprocate the respect given to us.